Finding balance and feeling comfortable with that

I feel like a fraud sometimes. I feel like I exist in different worlds and they don’t entirely agree with one another.

I have benefitted so much from discovering a spiritual practice that enables me to manage my emotions, cultivate compassion and see clearly what is important in the world.

I recognise humanity destroying the environment and accept that it is the duty of all of us to make substatntial changes to our lifestyles if we want a sustainable and regenerative solution to emerge.

I have tasted the profound effect that diet and gut health in particular has on not only my energy levels but also my mental stability and sense of overall happiness.

I understand that an inclusive society where minority groups feel safe, women are treated on an equal footing and those who have perpetuated injustice are punished and those groups who have benefitted from these cultural imbalances reflect, acknowledge and attempt to make amends, is the only real way to heal intergenerational wounds and bring humanity together.

I have gone deep into therapy and tantra work focused on bringing better communication and connection in relationship. I am committed to more consciousness in sexuality and a softer, more forgiving manner when dealing with conflict and disagreement.

And all of this is hard work. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it all, have a beer, watch the football and talk shit with old friends. To laugh like a drain at something completely ridiculous until I can’t laugh anymore and forget about the way the world is.

I guess this might also be a reflection of my privilege. I could do that, and hold down a good job (even if it doesn’t inspire me) live a comfortable life, achieve nothing to change the world but feel safe. I appreciate that for many in the world, this level of stability is not a given and I guess that’s why I have a striving for something more. This is more a note to self, a reminder that all that work, that understanding and that effort is not wasted and actually, sometimes, it’s OK to live in two worlds.

It’s OK to teach meditation and like football.

I was on a 10 day silent retreat when England reached the semis of the 2018 World Cup. I hadn’t realised the dates when I booked the retreat and then I didn’t expect them to get that far. I thought about the upcoming games a lot for the first few days. Watching England at major football tournaments has been something that I have done since the 1986 world cup when local Leicester lad Gary Lineker won the Golden Boot and from then I was hooked. Through all the heartaches of near misses over the years there has been a consistency and camaraderie with friends based on these shared experiences. I sneaked off to a toilet in between meditation sessions to check the score of the quarter final against Sweden. I had even planned how I would sneak into the woods to try and listen to the semi-final on day 8 or 9 of the retreat.

Then I found myself dropping into profound states of contentment and bliss where I let go of any need for the result. The meditation took me deep into myself and I wanted to stay there on the mat exploring the depths of stillness. I missed the game, England lost but I felt like I won and left the retreat feeling so happy.

I watched some of the Euros in 2021 and found that the enjoyment of the game was still there. Why not enjoy? There is a sense that enjoying sport, or action movies or comedy shows is somehow “Not spiritual”. I mean, it may not be supporting my growth in the most direct manner in that moment but I feel that it is also OK. I feel that it is relatable to people- and I find myself torn between worlds – people who can relate to the football (or the comedy) and people who relate to a spiritual growth purpose (whether that be through meditation, dance or whatever other practice).

My imposter syndrome kicks in big time when I straddle these boundaries.

It’s similar with the work that I have done for years. Quality Assurance and Business Analysis for various clients, starting in Insurance and Finance but more recently focussed on Broadcasting. I’m good at this work. It takes a certain mindset, problem solving and a consistent application of processes and is not for everyone. It can be pretty boring at times, and I could kind of live with that but the thing that saps me is knowing how inconsequential in real terms it is. (In stark contrast with what I get paid for doing it)

I feel like I am wasting my energy in this work but it has allowed me the flexibility to travel, do all this study and, eventually buy a house, so I’m grateful for that but I crave something more meaningful.

Maybe I’m just a bit lazy. I have practices to maintain, projects to envelop myself in, diets to keep and attitudes of compassion, gratitude and so on to live by yet it often feels overwhelming and hard work. Part of me wants to ignore it all and hide away from any attempt at personal development or growth.

There is a question in here – how best to give my gifts in a way that feels meaningful whilst also making a living. How can I maintain myself so that I don’t feel completely ungrounded in a material sense while tapping into the expansiveness and depth of the things I’ve learnt over the last 10 years or so.

There is also a calling for guidance – from what you know of me, where do you see my strengths and what path could you see as beneficial to developing these? Any recommended trainings, books or courses would be interesting to consider.

Where I’m at with it myself is that I feel I have a solid calming presence that can put people at ease. I could imagine working in some sort of therapeutic modality and also feel that may include some kind of bodywork or healing touch.

I think I’m a competent writer and that I can understand and explain difficult concepts in simple terms.

My voice is under-utilised and from the feedback I’ve received when sharing meditation, is ideal for bringing people into a relaxed place.

I can be organised and structured about working and am good at prioritising, seeing potential issues and dependencies and mitigating them early.

Most of all I guess I want to connect to a state of joy on a daily basis through my work.

Injury

A fundamental question has been asked of me on this trip. What do you do when you can’t do. What happens when you are physically incapable of acting in the way you would like. How to practice when your body is in pain stretching and even to sit comfortably is difficult?

It is an exercise in vulnerability as I recognise I’m not as young as I was and that my physical body is not as solid as I maybe believed.

 

 

I was hiking from the town of Yuksom in West Sikkim, the starting point of many high altitude treks to the Goecha La pass at 5000 metres. I wasn’t attempting anything so difficult though, I just decided a one day hike between monasteries to the village of Tashiding would be a suitable trip for me.  It’s 19Km of supposedly straightforward trails via 4 different monasteries. I did my due diligence and chatted to a local guide about it rather than just accepting the instructions in the Lonely Planet and he confirmed it is a simple route. Things aren’t always predictable, however.

The steep but clear path to Dubdi gompa just 40 minutes outside of Yuksom was simple enough and I reached there after a breathless climb, exhilarated. The valley views and peaceful gompa were reward for my efforts but I knew this was just the first stage of my journey.

 

The next path was not so obvious, leading out the back of the monastery and downhill to the road. At first I took a path into the forest due to a fallen sign but soon turned around and found the right way. I didn’t expect walking along the road though, so was a bit unsure if it was the right path. It was stunning scenery so I didn’t mind too much and I couldn’t see another way to get around the valley.  It wasn’t until a local doing the same route pointed me in the right direction that I was really sure.

We passed through Tsong village and I was looking for a path to the small Hongri gompa. A turn off to take me above the road through cardamom fields and up to the outcrop of the monastery. Instead I reached the end of the road with a marker for the village of Dubdi 0KM the only indicator that this was some sort of destination. I retraced my steps a hundred metres or so up the road to a nearby house up a set of steep steps hewn from the earth. There an old man in a felt hat greeted me with enthusiasm. He pointed out where I needed to go, what I could see on the distant ridges and explained that he spoke Hindi, Nepali and another local language but not English. He led me up an ever steeper path with the gait of an ambling goat, leaving me puffing and panting in his wake and grateful for the pauses where he shouted “Pelling, Namchi, Tashiding!” at me, in reference to the local towns on the horizon. I made my way up the last section alone, wondering why these monasteries are always at the end of steep walks…

 

Hongri Gompa is small, remote, unpainted and it seems one of its walls collapsed some time ago. Despite this, it is a delightful spot. Stunning views, a small homestay with one of the monks and the young locals practising their mantras in the little school room.  The place charmed me even in the short time I had there but I felt the need to press on. This is where my difficulties started. The path from here was almost immediately unclear, branching in several different ways. I don’t know if I took the correct route but I found the trail through forest getting smaller, slippery and not maintained. I didn’t pass a single person on this section to ask if I was on the right path and visions started creeping into my head. What would I do if I happened to twist my ankle, would I turn around to make it back to Hongri or continue onwards?

Trying to put these negative thoughts from my mind I forged ahead. Until, at some point, my right foot slipped underneath me. I had a vision of my hat staying where it was in mid-air for a second and then the next thing I knew I was falling to my right. Down until… boom! I landed on my back, on the right side I think, padded somewhat by my small backpack. Thankful that I had two jumpers in there which broke the initial fall a little but possibly also meant that I bounced and then found myself tumbling head-over-heels down the side of the mountain. I grabbed hold of whatever I could, branches, bushes, the undergrowth, scratching and bruising up my right arm in the process and eventually came to a stop, tangled in weeds.

My right hiking shoe was almost off, my back was aching, I was winded and stunned wondering if I could walk and if there might be someone who could rescue me. I lay there for several minutes, attempting to shout “help”, “hello”, “namaste” anything to attract attention, but there was no-one nearby whose attention I could attract. It wasn’t long before I realised that I didn’t have much choice but to scramble back up the hill I had fallen down and attempt to carry on walking. I did up my shoe, cautious not to lose my grip and fall further but also not looking down to see how much further I could potentially fall. It was difficult to pull myself up to the spot where I fell but I managed.  My hat was neatly sat on the path as if waiting for me to retrieve it. I couldn’t say the same for my glasses though, it was only at this point that I realised they had been dislodged and lost somewhere down the mountain. Luckily I had a pair of prescription sunglasses with me.

I faced the prospect of an unknown distance to get to Tashiding, or at least the next place of civilisation, or quite a tricky walk back to Hongri. I decided to continue ahead, thinking I must be near the next village and maybe I could get a lift if I was closer to the road. Each step was painful and ironically going down became more difficult on my lower back than going upwards. All summer I had been complaining about walking uphill and enjoying downward steps but here I was cursing every descent as it triggered another twinge.

The first place I came to was a little farm on the edge of a village but not near a road. The family there didn’t speak much English but made me tea, gave me some muscle rub oil and tried to help me find somewhere to stay in the village. That wasn’t possible so I didn’t have much choice but to move on again.

I stopped at various villages but no-one was able to give me a lift and tiredness and stubbornness kicked in against the pain. I decided I would keep on going until I reached the famous Sanu Homestay in Tashiding where I figured they would be able to look after me.

The homestay couldn’t have been much further into Tashiding and after about 3 or four hours walking after the fall I arrived to find the owner was away. The family did their best to help me but only the young daughter spoke English so it was a little difficult. I lay in bed that night in some pain, listening to the grandmother recite mantras in the room next door as I drifted off to sleep hoping that I hadn’t done any serious damage.

 

I called my friend Anna who was staying in Yuksom for advice, and really because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to move when I woke up in the morning. She very kindly offered to jump in a taxi to come and help me to the doctor’s in the morning and help me make some decisions on what to do since I was not thinking entirely clearly.

We went to the “Primary Health Centre” in Tashiding but all the nurse there could offer was ibuprofen and a suggestion to visit the doctor in Yuksom so we managed to find a vehicle (not as easy as you would think because most shared jeeps were cancelled due to “election counting day”)

Don’t die in the week

Sensible

Good advice

When we arrived at the hospital in Yuksom the doctor took one look at me and after hearing we had come from Tashiding and, knowing the state of the road, she made a call that I had unlikely broken anything or I would be in a lot more pain. She gave me a pain killing shot, some tablets and recommended I take it easy and keep an eye on it for the next week or so.

Yuksom was cold at night and in the morning and I would wake so stiff that sometimes it was difficult to get out of bed and almost always it was agony to tie my shoelaces. I was doing some gentle yoga to wake my back and occasionally went for walks but generally I was hanging out in little Yuksom, enjoying the hospitality of Mama’s Homestay and the other restaurants and being probably one of the longest foreign residents in a place where normally people stop only long enough to arrange a trek.

After a week I wasn’t feeling much better, my symptoms had eased and then got worse again but I felt it was really time to leave. I set off in search of hot springs but stopped first at the town of Namchi where there was a bigger hospital and I could get checked out properly.

I had an x-ray done in the modern facility and then waited outside the orthopedic doctor’s office with a number, much like being at the butcher, or the Indian Visa office. About 8 of us were ushered into the room together and our consultations took place behind a small curtain with everyone else absent-mindedly looking on.

He took one look and told me, “you see, you have a small compression in your L2, L3, er L5. One, two, three, yes L2. You need to rest for 6 weeks. No jumping, no carrying heavy things”  I asked about yoga “No sport” and massage “you could end up making it worse” and I left feeling a bit bereft of options.

 

Thailand

It was after speaking to Anna that I had the idea to go to Thailand. I’d been planning on making a visit at some stage on this trip so why not now when I am invalided.

 

I’m very grateful to have the opportunity to be here on Ko Phangan. It is a  beautiful island with so many opportunities. Even so, I’m left thinking about the yoga that I have done here before, the friends that I have spent time with before and it can never really compare. I’m taking this time as one of reflection and hopefully from that creation will emerge, one day at a time. I have considered detoxes, tantra courses, and retreats to fill up my time but actually I see that it’s more important to embrace this boredom, embrace this freedom and see what emerges naturally.

I took a Reiki attunement a few days ago as part of the first course into using this energy healing technique. It has left me feeling quite sensitive with a lot of clearing of old energy and a need to be in my own space. I’m allowing this to channel through me and hopefully things will be clearer in a couple of weeks.

It’s really rainy here right now which further increases the sense of going inwards. So as I meditate and do breathing exercises there is a sense of calm, a recognition of just “being” but also that “doing” will grow out of this without needing to worry about it.

 

 

 

Kali Puja in Kolkata

I arrived for my third time in Kolkata at the middle of Diwali and just before the Kali Puja night. In India different gods and goddesses have preference in different regions, for example, Mumbai has a big Ganesh festival while in Bengal and Kolkata Durga and Kali are the goddesses they revere. When the rest of the country is offering to Laksmi on the 3rd night of Diwali, the streets of Kolkata are full of Pandals (big tents that look like castles to house the goddess) with elaborate Kali statues.

The festival of lights sees a huge array of illuminated structures as well as firecrackers and fireworks. It was a bit of a damp squib this year in Kolkata due to a big storm on the main night for fireworks.  I had a great time the previous night though and the tendency for firecrackers everywhere made me feel quite happy to have an excuse to sleep early on the “big night”. Even with the storm Kolkata had the feel of a war zone, some explosions right by my window lit up the dim hotel room and shook the walls.

Northern Temple Tour

I took a tour of the northern temples of Kolkata under my own steam. Starting by walking the half hour to Sealdah station and hoping to catch a local train to the temple of Dakineshwar. I arrived in what I thought was good time for the train, until I saw the queue at the ticket office for the 5 rupee ticket. I went directly to the train to see if I could buy a ticket from the conductor but no this was not possible.  The next one was an hour later so at least I had time to get a ticket. The queues looked awful but I was lucky to find the 2 self-service ticket machines which did not require some kind of smart card. I managed to figure out the confusing interface and was happy with myself that it had not taken too long when I realised it needed exact change. A fellow in the queue was able to change my 10 rupee note, meaning my victory remained intact.

The train took me to Dakineshwar station in the north of Kolkata and I found my way through muddy paths to the temple dedicated to Kali. It is where the saint Ramakrishna spent a long time meditating and has a number of Shiva shrines as well as the main Kali image. I arrived as drumming and darshan was happening as people queued up to offer to Kali. This was a crush but good to see and the rest of the temple had a relaxed and peaceful.

From here I intended to take the ferry across the Hoogly river to the Belur Math complex, a home for monks created by Ramakrishna’s disciple Swami Vivekananda. After searching for some time I eventually found the jetty down another muddy path. The man behind the decidedly locked gate informed me that they had cancelled ferry services due to the cyclone heading our way. This continuation of the previous night’s storm scuppered my plan.

I could get a bus up the road so I waited by a busy intersection. It took a while but eventually my bus arrived and I hopped on, managing to squeeze into a spot right at the front. The rain came heavily as we drove through the Kolkata traffic and when we arrived at the  bus stand it was a torrential downpour.

Belur Math

After sheltering for some minutes I took a dash for it as the rain eased only to have to take cover again under the umbrella of a man selling crisps and other snacks from a cart. Belur Math closes for lunch so I decided to find somewhere to eat and wait for the afternoon opening. I found a small restaurant which looked OK but they had no veg options so I carried on, sheltering for a while in a Kali shrine and then inadvertently taking the wrong road.

Google Maps was my saviour in many ways in Kolkata but on this occasion I took a wrong turning. I tried to follow the route but ended up walking along a thunderous main road.  Then the heavens opened and I got soaked. Taking shelter where I could, I cut through the back streets to get on track. I found myself in an alleyway, amusing the local children with my appearance. The rain was so heavy that these basic residential areas were flooding and at one point I had to wade through the water up to my ankles.  Google was leading me to a restaurant but after seeing the dismal conditions in this part of Kolkata I never expected an enormous shopping mall.  The place was almost entirely deserted but I found a reasonably priced biriyani in the food hall and a Cafe Coffee Day to warm me up.

Belur Math is a beautiful place, so I’m glad that I showed perseverance to get there. I sat by the main Ramakrishna shrine and meditated for half an hour as the rain began again and got chatting to a guy from Assam who was also visiting all the temples. We continued to look around together and then got chatting to one of the monks who looked very sprightly for his age and exuded a peace and tranquility. We decided to stay for the evening service and this was a session of Bhajans, beautiful singing and chanting by the monks, such a meditative experience and well worth the visit alone. The rain started to come again and this time I decided that there was no way I was struggling with public transport to get back. I had downloaded Uber and despite moral objections to the way they do business and so on I bit the bullet and ordered one.  The car arrived, picked me up and dropped me directly at my hotel in central Kolkata for 200 Rupees (or about £2).

World Yoga Fest, Buddhafield, Hridaya France, Santosa, Living Tantra 1 and Permaculture Design!

How has my summer progressed since my last update? Well, it’s been a busy one and quite honestly one of the most fulfilling of my life… here’s some details

World Yoga Festival

When I heard about the World Yoga Festival being in Reading I was a bit dubious. However, in its first year they had Mooji teaching so this seemed like a good sign. I had some friends who visited last year and said they had a really great time so it was on my list of places to volunteer this summer (partly because I assumed Mooji would be there again if I’m honest – he wasn’t).

Despite this they still had some amazing teachers including the oldest yoga teacher in the world Tao Porchon Lynch, who at 99 has some stories to tell. A member of the French Resistance during WW2 she then moved to Hollywood and taught stars such as Marilyn Monroe what she knew about Yoga. She visited India to learn with BKS Iyengar and at the age of 86 took up ballroom dancing and has won numerous competitions since then. She still cuts a glamorous figure around the field and tottered about everywhere on her high-heels. After 2 hip operations you would think she might cut back on some of the asana practice but it doesn’t stop her. “Anything is possible” is her mantra and it’s something you can really believe when you see her.

Other amazing teachers included:

Zubin Zarthoshtimanesh – an Iyengar teacher with great presence and humour who really opened me up to this style of yoga.

Sheila Whittaker – my gong teacher who led several relaxing gong baths in the main tent

Dr Madan Bali – another 90-something who shared a powerful teaching about breath and refining the subtle body

James Russell – a young teacher who shared some really energising kriyas

There were plenty of others as well who I have missed but I must also mention Ram and Sonali Banerjee who were organising the whole event. I loved Ram joining the stage after the evening music performance to tell us all to go to bed in time for yoga the next morning.

I had a great time with the other volunteers at this festival. We were a small team and easily recognisable by our bright orange t-shirts. The work was simple and although we did some long shifts they were kept interesting by the folks I got to know.

Buddhafield

My second time at this festival was a vastly different experience to my first. In 2013 I was splitting up with Sophie and almost the only person I knew there was her mate “Eligible Dave”. I enjoyed hanging out with him but it felt a little awkward and I wasn’t in a hugely outgoing mode to meet new folks so I ended up feeling quite lonely and isolated for stretches of the event.

This year though, after spending 4 years going to events on the “scene” in the UK it seemed I knew people everywhere I turned. Couple this with the Volunteer team who were also awesome and I spent most of the event hanging out with people. From volunteers at other festivals to tantra workshop people, yoga students and even folk I knew from India.

I did a couple of yoga classes, some dancing, a cuddle workshop and a sound journey which was cut short due to the reggae disco in the dance tent being too loud, and not a lot else over the whole week.

This was partly due to tiredness after some long shifts in the camper van field. I was parking up vans and trying to

make sure there was enough space for everyone while also keeping the fire lanes clear and attempting to accommodate people’s needs. It’s amazing how much space a camper and an awning and a bell tent and maybe my friend who is coming in half an hour and can we go on the end and sometimes you just have to say no. Running around this field was fun, if a little stressful at times so I was happy to just relax when I had free time.

Highlights included a ritual chanting around the Buddha statue that left me in a trance and watching the sunset in a cuddle puddle.

I was bemoaning the lack of Kirtan to a volunteer over dinner and discussing Sivani Mata who we both knew from London. Then I walked off for a chai and decided to take a look in a teepee. Who should be sitting there about to start Kirtan than Sivani herself. “Hello Ian” she welcomed me as I ducked my head under the awning.

 

Hridaya France

About an hour from Lyon Sahajananda and Hridaya have bought a Chateau which is currently being renovated and set to open next spring (2018) as a yoga centre and retreat space.

I was looking for somewhere to volunteer for a longer period this summer as an alternative to festival living and this popped up as the obvious and perfect option. I arrived the night before Sahaja left and was lucky enough to also be there when Swami from Agama paid a visit.

I was there when there were only 4 of us for the weekend and I’ve been back when there were over 30 people working away.

Dennis and the sacred heart

Stop! Hammock time

Longeval

Posing by the hidden chapel

Chamelet – a nearby village

I spent the time there cleaning the newly bought professional kitchen gear, scraping walls of paper, cleaning hallways and toilets, cooking food, putting up wallpaper, helping with content for the new website and leading yoga and meditation sessions. (I’m sure there was more but I forget right now!)

Outside of work time we had fires and singing, dancing, trips to Lyon and the local lake and time to relax in the local nature (and hammock).

There is still plenty to do there (and hopefully the place will be a permaculture paradise in no time – see below) but the spirit is high and I appreciate the constant pointings to stay in truth even in amongst the hard work.

Santosa Yoga Camp

Ah Santosa. This tiny yoga camp is truly a wonderful world away from it all. It’s the only festival where I’ve been for a week without at some stage wishing for home comforts. It’s so relaxed and blissfully community focused. I was there as a karma yogi offering the joyful service of cleaning the compost toilets. After a couple of drop-outs I was actually left to this task almost to myself but it wasn’t half as icky or challenging as it sounds. In fact it added some additional structure to my day and added some purpose to the periods where not a lot was going on.

Santosa is the kind of festival where you can easily do nothing all day but at the same time there is plenty to keep you interested. They offer Yoga Nidra five times a day for up to half an hour and in case you don’t know this involves lying down and being talked into a deep relaxation, something close to a trance state. It’s fair to say they have a relaxed crowd. Other than this all kinds of yoga are on offer as well as meditation, dance, an ecstatic cacao ceremony with special shamanic guests from Brazil, contact improvisation and a lot of Kirtan. Sivani was there again to lead an intense psychedelic session and the Babaji Temple Singers had the roof of the Hanuman temple tent nearly coming off as we danced the whole way through.

Add to this a sauna, outdoor showers overlooking Glastonbury Tor for one of the best views while bathing I can remember, communal coming together for meals (and free chai at the morning meeting) fires, fun and friends made this an absolute highlight for me.

NB the festival was so relaxed I completely forgot to take any photos…

Living Tantra 1

I’ve written a separate piece about Jan Day’s LT1 which should be appearing online soon but suffice to say it was a week of wonderful company, amazing food, challenging exercises and deep blissful states. From dynamic meditation to strong processing exercises I surprised myself with my willingness to go into the practices. The course was a week long but it felt like a month, in a good way. The intensity is full on and towards the end I didn’t feel like I was sleeping because my body was so buzzing with energy. It was a different feeling to an insomnia where thoughts are running through the head but a real physical experience of stuff moving. A powerful reminder of this path which inspired me even more.

Permaculture Design Course

While I was at Hridaya France the first time Christoff Schneider came to visit. He’s a Hridaya teacher but has been a “permie” for a lot longer, spreading the word about sustainability for around fifteen years. He gave an inspiring talk which encouraged me to sign up and learn more about these techniques for living a more ecological lifestyle.

I came straight from LT1 which meant I was in a strange space and the course was full of information and mental work which was a big shift. For the first few days I thought it was all too much and I was struggling with it but at some point I overcame these issues and became inspired again by the potential.

Longeval, the site of Hridaya France, is crying out to be converted to permaculture. There are 11 hectares of land and I designed an area where raised garden beds could be built to provide veggies for the visitors and staff. Using techniques that we learnt for passive irrigation and solar design to make best use of the environment we are given the design principles involve working with nature in a kind of dance.

Compost toilet by the old lime tree (spot the tree sprite)

Sunset over compost

Making Hot compost

Decorating the rocket stove

Making the rocket stove

As a way to judge if a design is able to be self-sufficient we have the five pillars of permaculture as taught by Christoff:

Water – where do we get the supply and how do we store it and use it

Energy – Where do we get our power – solar, wind, water etc

Food – Not just making sure we have enough harvest but also making sure the soil is kept in good shape by composting properly and closing the loop in this way (including compost toilets)

Shelter – Using the best materials for the location to provide comfort with the least amount of energy (eg in our northern European climate straw bale houses have great insulation and cheap!)

Knowledge – Learning which techniques work best in your particular climate zone and also spreading the knowledge and ideas

Using this as a guide and a whole host of techniques including zonal planning you can really begin to make changes and I feel inspired to find some land, build a straw bale house, grow veggies and really start living the Good Life. I just need to learn how to stop plants dying in my care and be more comfortable wielding a spade but I’m sure all this will come…

First of all though I’m leaving for India, a few months of yoga and exploration with hopefully some volunteering at organic farms thrown in for good measure to learn some of the practical skills I was talking about.

It’s going to be a ride, as ever…

An Update and a new beginning…

This is a new start. I left my flat in the beautiful Kew Gardens, my job after a successful year and finished a relationship which was at times wonderful but often tumultuous and energetically very draining for me.

I decided I needed a change. Some time out. A reset and also the opportunity to give back and offer my service.

So what have I been up to? Well, following on from The Hridaya TTC  I stayed in Mexico for a few months. We had the intention of starting something in the village of Tepoztlan. Things didn’t work out there and I returned to London virtually penniless and looking for a way to become unstuck.

The Hridaya teacher training course was an intensive 3 months of meditation, yoga, theory and community. I wrote about it on their blog here.

Passion, Power and Love

This change has been brewing within me for some time. Some inspiration arose in the Passion, Power and Love workshop I did over new year with Jan Day. The next year holds adventure, learning, sharing and practice.

The above picture is the vision board that I created during the Passion, Power and Love workshop. I created it as the climax of 3 days of deep connecting, both with others and with myself.  There is a lot of gratitude for the learning and dancing on the edge that happened at that time. I returned to work in London with a great deal of positivity and aliveness, even in the depths of winter.

The vision board allows me to look forwards and see great potential. Some of the exercises we did helped me to view memories with a fresh outlook.

 

Gong!

Having been inspired by receiving gong baths at various festivals over the last few years I decided to take a workshop to learn how to play. It was organised by Ali and led by Sheila Whittaker. The two days of training with around 15 gongs in a small space and 16 students created such a powerful energy and vibration. I had been suffering from recurring headaches for several weeks before and I noticed over the weekend the intensity getting stronger. At the end of the weekend we participated in an all-night gong puja. We settled ourselves in for the night and took turns playing the gongs for half an hour each from 9pm through to 7am. By the end of this night my headache was completely gone and didn’t come back even after returning to the office.

Glastonbury Retreat

I was delighted to share the experience of running a yoga retreat at the lovely ShekinAshram in Glastonbury with Ben.  We had eight students who came for two classes of yoga a day. We also had Kirtan with the amazing Tim Chalice, fire puja by the ashram staff and walks to Glastonbury Tor and Chalice Well.

Ben and I also experimented with a sound journey. Leading with the gong and incorporating harmonium, drums, rain stick and various other bits of percussion that were lying about we had a strong hour and a half of relaxation. I was completely gonged out by the end. I don’t know about the students. It’s something I’d like to do more of so will do more gong training work in the next year.

 

The Globe & Sangha

In a brief moment in London some of my Hridaya Sangha were going to Shakespeare’s Globe on the Southbank. I’m so glad I went along to an exuberant performance of Twelfth Night complete with bearded, sparkly, giant drag queens, “We are Family” and a lot of laughs.

Yoga show

I went to the yoga show a couple of times… I found an unfinished post about it so let me take you back there…

“This weekend I visited an exhibition in the beautiful surrounds of Alexandra Palace, perched atop a hill to the north of London and with a stunning vista around the capital.

The Yoga Show is kind of a strange event. The consumerisation of such an ancient art is always going to be slightly jarring. For a practice that is supposed to bring you deep inside to a place of stillness and connection with the universe, being around thousands of people, all pushing their own take on wellbeing, can be overwhelming.

I thoroughly enjoyed it though, from wandering through the stands trying organic chocolate, tasting teas and natural supplements to taking in workshops and chatting with vendors about yoga accessories.

I went partly due to being a member of Yoga Alliance, an organisation that attempts to provide a level of confidence among yogis that the schools they are studying with and the teachers that are spreading the word are of a certain standard. They had a large stall at the yoga show and Emma was helping them out with it during the day.

I went to a couple of their sessions for teachers – Refining Adjusting Skills (Part Three) with Brian Cooper and Master Class: Relax with Tara Stiles. Their classes were away from the main body of the yoga show in a separate room making for a more relaxing environment.

I’m not one for celeb yoga teachers but I had somehow heard of Tara. I wasn’t sure about walking into the hall with the Chemical Brothers booming from the stereo and Tara posing for selfies with the early birds but I was willing to see where she wanted to take us.

The class was towards the end of the day but I must admit I came out feeling thoroughly blissed out. She has obviously worked hard at delivering a sequence that is aligned with the music. (getting more “spiritual” as the class progressed). It was somewhat challenging without being pure gymnastics and we did a nice bit of alternate nostril breathing at the end. I did find she kind of mumbled through the instructions a bit. I felt she was trying to squeeze in more words than is really necessary. This lead to a few occasions where I was taken out of the flow by wondering – what was that? If the effect is all important though I came out on a different level so I take my hat off to her.

Brian has just released a book focusing on the anatomical side of yoga and his approach to alignment clearly comes from a deep understanding of the body and a training in Thai yoga massage.

This class was in much more of a workshop style with Brian and an assistant showing us a posture and a way to adjust before we paired up and tried the same on each other. There were some great ideas in here and although some of the suggestions were perhaps better suited to a “partner” style of class, since I think it would be difficult to go around the whole class applying some of the techniques It was good to learn from someone who clearly has a lot of knowledge and a very precise and focused teaching style, although with a sense of humour.”

 

Resonance Academy

I’ve been inspired by Nassim Haramein and his teachings of sacred geometry for some time and have mentioned it before. I signed up for the Resonance Academy delegate programme and have been studying off and on for the last year or so. I don’t always follow the science.  Quantum physics equations might as well be in Martian to me I’m afraid but it’s been interesting. I’m hoping to get through to Module 4 soon where apparently the juicy stuff resides!

 

Colourfest, sacred sound and volunteering

Colourfest continues to be one of my favourite festivals. I went there last year with some friends which was hugely enjoyable despite some stresses beforehand. This year I volunteered as a steward – the first of several yoga festivals I will be helping at this summer. (The next ones are the World Yoga Festival and Buddhafield) Volunteering was a different way to experience things and very enjoyable to be part of the team. By having a limited amount of time to enjoy what was on offer I actually made more of an effort to do things. Hanging out on the main gate and welcoming people was fun. We were on this gate the first morning before the gates officially opened and some people were really difficult.

“Sorry, we’re not open for another half an hour so you’ll just have to wait here for a few minutes”
“Well, why are there loads of cars and tents already in the field then?”
“… I mean, do you think the festival just appears by magic or what?”

My other interesting shift was on the Saturday night on Gate B. This was the tradesman’s entrance and exit from the festival. I was here alone and other than one person setting up lighting I had to redirect everybody back to the main entrance. It was quite peaceful. Then it got dark and I was lit by just three candles in the forest. Thankfully I had the site security guard coming to see how I was every so often. Ben and Jonathan took pity and joined to keep me company for half an hour as well.

Highlights of the festival itself were yoga classes with Swami Asokananda, one of which I followed with a shamanic journey and then a gong bath for the ultimate in chill. Kirtan with Sivani Mata, Elahn and Radhe and plenty others were also great. There were dance collaborations and some tantra workshops although I pretty much stuck with the sacred sound.

Krishna Das

Speaking of sacred sound I saw the amazing Krishna Das at the Union Chapel and it was one of the most incredible heart opening Kirtans. It is always a joy to do this practice but somehow he led the huge audience into raptures; I was full of bliss.

Yogific

Colourfest wasn’t my first yoga volunteering event this year actually, I helped at a couple of events for Yogific including the Yoga and Vegan food festival in my old stomping ground of Kingston. It was held in the Guildhall which is a lovely setting and was a huge success. There were lessons to be learnt, though. So many people came we ended up with a queue out the door as venue security restricted capacity. It was great to do some yoga, try delicious vegan food and have interesting conversations with people. I’m hoping to help them out later this year in India.

AOL and the Cote D’Azur

I went to a workshop called Awakening of Love which led to musings here… The next opportunity to do this workshop is in Devon from the 22nd to 24th Setember.

Some detail I cut out is here –

Simon Matthews is an unassuming group leader, he remains centred and is able to connect easily. His journey started in 2003 with the Hoffman Process but before this he was sceptical about any sort of therapeutic work. Taking part in the Path of Love in 2011 changed everything and within a year he had trained to lead sessions. His commitment and clear faith in the power of the work, as well as the assistants who hold space so beautifully, create a container that is safe and yet profoundly open.

Awakening of Love is a short introduction to the longer Path of Love workshop which has been running since 1995. Founders Rafia Morgan and Turiya Hanover came together to develop a system from their combined experiences in development and spiritual work.

These teachings stem from the work of controversial Indian sage Osho. He introduced a series of dynamic meditations and an open approach to working with sexual energy which is an influence on most modern teachings of “tantra”.

The workshop also connected me with someone who I went to visit in the South of France for a week. We had a lovely time cooking delicious healthy food from the local produce.  We hiked in the mountains surrounding the Cote D’Azur and swam in the sea.

Fresh melon and Kudzu pudding

Sage paradise

The invisible tourist

Cote D’Azur

Sea view

Village life

View from the fort

Mooji

Mooji is still a strong influence, we went to see him in London last summer and I had a lovely hug afterwards. Oh, and we were offered his kettle – truly blessed!

 

Meadows in the Mountains

Meadows in the Mountains was pitched as a hippy adventure in the Bulgarian mountains with a Burning Man vibe. It lived up to that although I wasn’t expecting it to be full of kids from Hackney getting wasted to techno. It was still a lovely experience.

Amazing views, stunning sunrises, and beautiful people made it the most visually arresting festival I’ve ever been to.

I managed to do one class of yoga nidra. It was more like a yoga class with a long relaxation. This was a really nice way to dip into a different energy at the festival. I needed to catch up on sleep as well.

We also spent some time in the delightful tea shop which was run by “goldilocks” who worked tirelessly to keep the place spic and span. Our awesome neighbours in the campsite were tango teachers from Argentina. They always seemed to be in the midst of some family crisis but were such a bastion of calm in the madness.

 

I saw the sun rise over the mountain twice. On Sunday night the mist rolled in and created a fantasy scene of islands of trees in the valley.

We found a drum’n’bass dub party in the yoga tent which went off like a bomb.

We spent a lot of time people watching. In a perfect flow scenes would emerge before us. The pirate ship became our domain for a while, the uneven slopes making the zombie children stagger and the sneezing guy fall over.

We arrived at the right time for food, and this was no mean feat. The soul food curry stall took 3 hours to prep and would be gone in 20 minutes. To arrive at the right second took some synchronicity. Otherwise the festival was fuelled by cheese on toast and Prosecco. People swigged from the bottle in a search for psychedelics which seemed to consume the site. I can’t say we saw much live music but the afro-beat collective were pretty great.

Sofia

On our return to Sofia Sev’s family welcomed us as Herman insisted on taking us out for a beer. We were somewhat reluctant due to tiredness and nursing a 5 day accumulated hangover. Herman’s nighttime city tour turned out to be a highlight, though.

Unbeknownst to us the centre of Sofia has some real sites. The “5 wings and 7 dicks” monument looking like something from the nightmarish vision of a video game. The thousand year old churches. Roman ruins that you can wander amongst, with a can, even in the middle of the night. The Church where Sev’s grandmother got married, with it’s golden domes. The huge statue of a king with piercing golden eyes. We ended up in a bar down a pitch black alley, a knock to be let in and all the lighting by candlelight. The only downside – we forgot to take a camera!

Austin Kleon

I’ve been inspired by the books and newsletter of Austin Kleon who is a Texas-based artist with great ideas about sparking creativity and how art is created through careful appropriation of existing sources. His “Steal Like an Artist” takes the view that all art comes from a combination of influencers and by digging deep into your favourite work you can find the inspiration to make something new and interesting.

 

Politics

So while all this has been going on and my world is turning, the outside is equally messy. Brexit was a moment for me, in turmoil in relationship at the time, where it didn’t seem that the shifting sands of politics could really have an impact and then…

Unprecedented in its wake up call to the progressive left who have been somewhat sleeping over the last 20 years, myself included in that, I hope the upheaval we are seeing will lead to a shift in the way we see our society and how it is constructed.

I voted remain for inclusivity, and the desire to work together with people from all cultures, religions and backgrounds to improve the lot of all of humanity. The petty jingoism and casual racism that seem to have emerged since, and with the Trump effect adding to this normalisation, are not just unacceptable from a moral point of view but also take us backwards when we should be striving forward for evolution.

The recent election showed the number of young people waking up to the recognition that they can influence. The rise of Jeremy Corbyn I hope means that there is a new paradigm emerging in British politics. The Grenfell tower tragedy brings into sharp contrast the differences between the rich and the poor. It cannot be long before the masses realise the lies of the right wing press and stand up against this Tory government. It’s time for an end to an austerity agenda which only benefits those who are already comfortable.

I hope we can rise above self-interest, gain those Bodhisattva ideals (that I’m reading and writing about currently) and shake the magic money tree (which certainly exists if you are an investment banker) to provide for all those in our society.

What Next?

So next I’m volunteering at the World Yoga Festival in Reading and Buddhafield. After these two I’ll be flying down to Lyon to help the renovation efforts at the new Hridaya France centre – Ramana Village

I have been published in a few other places since I last wrote here…

http://www.yogiapproved.com/?s=Ian+Marshall

http://www.hridaya-yoga.com/ready-for-a-meditation-retreat/

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/07/how-i-used-my-spiritual-practice-to-break-unhealthy-relationship-patterns/

https://goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/men-in-tantra-what-they-are-missing-out-on-grmx/